Losing faith (And now I suddenly made it obvious, haven't I?)

And not in the religious way either. I've never been a particularly religious person. I mean I do pray to God and stuff, but I've never been to church, nor do I really know what people do in church.

But I digress.

But what I'm losing faith in is closely similar to losing faith in religion. Both are organizations of a sort, with a structure that has been standing for a long time (although Time in this case is really quite relative). Both are known to be unbending and rigid. And both has been with me for a long time (again, time being relative here)

I thought I've made peace with a lot of things with regards to this organization. But recent events and the way I've seen people behave in this organization has made me doubt everything that this organization stands for.

Like a church, there is a very obvious, yet unspoken hierarchy in this organization. On the outside it looks happy and clean and bright, but on the inside there's always whispers of anarchy and forces threatening to undo the delicate, fragile balance of the organization.

I feel like I'm losing faith in something that has kept me going for a long time. It's still the same organization. The pastors, the scriptures, the teachings. Everything remains the same. And yet at the same time, everything has changed.

I feel cast on the outside. The top is the one making all the decisions, and one sometimes can't help but feel that their voices are not important, nor are they heard. And so one keeps quiet.

I doubt a lot of people would actually understand what I am talking about. Perhaps those who know me better, my section or some confidants would.

They say change waits for no one. I guess I just missed the last train.